Attracting your Soul Mate and More, Much, Much More
By Laura Silva Quesada
Some years ago, I invited a long-time friend who'd gone through
a difficult divorce out to dinner. I wanted to treat her to a very nice restaurant in hopes of lifting her spirits. I pick her up right after work, which meant I was still all dressed up in my work clothes.
To my surprise, when I arrived at her home, she was wearing
a tied-dyed T-shirt, leggings and a pair of old tennis shoes. Her hair was a bit unruly and needed combing. It was obvious that she'd been going through a bit of depression.
I figured it wasn't my place to comment on her attire and that
maybe she simply wanted to feel comfortable. We got into my car and drove towards the restaurant. When we arrived, the after-work crowd had poured into the restaurant
and we were asked to wait for our table at the bar.
The bar was filled with business people who wanted to enjoy
happy hour. Many of them were men and many of them were acquaintances of mine. Several of these professional men, handsomely
dressed in their fine business suits, came up to me with lively greetings such as, "Hi, I haven't seen you in a while. Let's
get together and have dinner one of these evenings."
greeting, my friend looked more and more depressed. Finally, she blurts out, "Every one of these men have gone up to only you. None of them have approached me or have even
looked my way."
I looked at her and asked her, in a very serious way, "Are these the kind of men you're hoping to meet? She then replied, "Yes, it would be very nice to meet and have a serious relationship with a man who is a professional, has a great job, dresses great and is handsome?
At that point I told her the following story:
According to an old Sufi tale, a man by the name of Nasruddin and his
friend were sitting in a cafe drinking tea and talking about life and love. At one point during their conversation, the friend asks, "How come you never got married, Nasruddin?"
"Well," said Nasruddin, "to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, with eyes like dark olives, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no interests
in common. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then, one day, I met
her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had everything in common. In fact she was perfect.
"Well," said Nasruddin's friend, "what happened?
Why didn't you marry her?"
Nasruddin sipped his
tea reflectively. "Well," he replied, "it's a sad thing. Seems she was looking for the perfect man."
My response to her in the form of the above
story must have sunk in because in the weeks that follow my friend went on a quest to reduce a good amount of weight, resolve
many of her emotional issues, work on a financial strategy that would help her get out of debt, started an exercise program and put more attention to her appearance.
Too often, people believe they can hide their "defects" forever from a Mr. or Ms. Perfect who is going to relieve them of their miseries, instead of working on every aspect of themselves to the point that they're happy with who and how they are fully and completely.
"He is greatest whose strength carries up the
most hearts by the attraction of his own."
Henry Ward Beecher
We often want our idea of the perfect partner to enter our lives and stay forever, yet we aren't willing to do what it takes to be the "perfect" partner for someone else. We can prevent ourselves from painful experiences as well as the loss of precious time and energy
if we begin by first working on ourselves.
Take some time
to evaluate what you believe are the negative aspects of yourself and your life. Areas about yourself and your life where you lack love, respect and admiration?
Take them one at a time, write them down and then write down a more positive outcome for each area and use that as a goal to manifest.
The following are areas you may want to evaluate:
Health - Do what you can to improve every aspect of your health.
Improve your nutrition; begin an exercise program and stop smoking and excessive drinking. Consult your health caretaker as soon as you feel the need. Without your health you have little means to enjoy all the goodness life has to offer and that includes your perfect partner.
Weight - Find a good nutritional plan and reach your ideal weight for maximum health. There are many efficient methods for reducing. Work with your health caretaker and find the right
one for you.
Family issues - Approach family members
you may have unresolved issues with and search for the best way to resolve those issues. Work on this until you find genuine comfort in your heart and soul.
- Improve your talents and skills so as to improve the quality of your work, your value in the work place, your chances of getting promotions and pay increases and secure your career.
Finances - Tighten the belt if necessary
and work on a plan to be debt free and financially comfortable.
Emotional issues - Look for the root
of your emotional woes and seek help if necessary in order to understand and overcome them. You don't need to do this alone. Get some support or find a good therapist if necessary.
Attitudes - Having a positive attitude over a negative attitude will result in more positive outcomes and relationships. Be a realistic optimist! With nearly 6 billion people on this planet, there has got to be many people that would qualify as perfect partners. You only need to attract one of them.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity
breeds contempt. According to this my soul mate should be in Thailand.
Beliefs - Beliefs are statements you make to yourself about everything in your living experience. Do your beliefs bring more of what you desire into your life or do they keep them out of reach. The belief "I'm unlovable" or "I'll never find my perfect mate" will not help you achieve that outcome.
Your thoughts (Beliefs are expressed in your thoughts) precede physical manifestation. Modify your beliefs by simply changing them to something more positive and repeat your new belief over and over until you come to own it.
- There are good habits and there are bad habits. Work on eliminating your bad habits or modifying them a little at a time
so that they no longer have a negative effect on you and your future plans with your partner.
Self-esteem - You're a sum total of all your past experiences. Some experiences lifted your self-esteem and others dampened it. Address and deal with old issues; develop your talents, practice standing up for who you are and
what you believe in and set clear boundaries for yourself and those you deal with.
- There may be some aspects of your general appearance that can improve with a little change here and there. Seek some professional advice if you believe it'll help. Makeovers can be a lot of fun.
is to put some conscious effort in becoming the best you that you can be. A "you" that you come to love, admire and respect. A "you" that instead of being a "broken present", is a wonderful, attractive, healthy and desirable gift to give to your perfect partner, the love of your life.
When you transform yourself into the "you" that you love, admire and respect, you lose the "part" of you that's needy and often has a repulsive effect on those you have relationships with. That needy part of you is instead transformed into a genuine desire for sharing your life with your perfect partner.
desire to live in a relationship with someone as wonderful as you, where the outcome of the two of you coming together is
two people who are even better and more complete because of your union.
"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually
have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the
philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."
-- Leo Buscaglia
Once you feel
you've reached a good place, a place that can only get better thru time (Since you've come
to learn how to think, believe and behave in ways resulting in enough evidence to know you're on the right path), then it's time
to begin your mental programming and broadcasting.
At night, before going to sleep,
enter a deep meditative state and initiate your programming by broadcasting the following thought (Or something similar) in a universal manner:
going to begin programming to attract my perfect partner. I'm hoping to meet him/her within (State anywhere from 1 - 6 months. Give your partner
enough time to find you. They may be half way around the world). I'm healthy
in spirit, mind, body and emotions and I'm ready & eager to meet him/her. I promise to be fully committed to our relationship & be a perfect partner as well."
(For those who believe in God, Higher Intelligence, or a Higher Power then add the following)
"I'm requesting your assistance in finding my perfect partner for you know exactly who he/she is. Thank you for your help."
Then, simply go to sleep from there. The following night, again enter a deep meditative state and mentally say to yourself the following:
"I'll awaken when my perfect partner is most receptive for me to make contact with him/her."
Then, simply go to
sleep from there. Sometime during the night or in the morning, you'll awaken. When you do, take it for granted that it's time
to make contact with your perfect partner. Again enter a deep meditative state and mentally say:
"I'm going to count from 10 - 1. By the time I reach the count of one,
I'll have attuned myself to my perfect partner."
As you count on a descending scale toward 1. Imagine zoning in on your perfect partner. Once you reach the count of 1, take a deep breath and introduce yourself to him/her.
your partner everything about you, your family, interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Tell him/her how great your life
is and how much you're looking forward to meeting him/her.
of daily happenings as if you were face to face with your perfect partner. Make sure you also let your perfect partner know where you like to hang out, work, shop, or eat.
will help attract him/her to one of those places so that you can meet. You may also want to select a special event for your
initial meeting. Do this programming every 3rd night.
(This type of programming can be modified to attract the perfect business partner, employee, client, nanny, etc)
to remain open to possibilities and let us know when you meet your perfect partner.
NOTE: With this application it isn't important
to make a list of the qualities and characteristics you desire in your perfect partner. Your own higher intelligence or self "knows" what perfect means.
Creating Workplace Harmony
By Charles B. Dygert,
Ph.D. & Richard A. Jacobs, P.E.
How effective is workplace harmony? Let’s answer that with another question. What happens when the water
in a brook flows into a rock? The rock forms a barrier that causes the water to change its course.
Likewise, people in managerial positions often become impediments to
the workflow. They do this by looking for something wrong; interrupting the work by asking unrelated questions just to establish
Recently, while visiting a distribution and fabrication plant during its
busy season, we observed first hand the benefits of true workplace harmony. Since it was the plant’s busy season, there
was a generous amount of meaningful work for everyone to do, every day. Delivery dates had
to be realistic and met. This was a time to focus almost singularly on outstanding customer service.
hourly workers functioning in a crew-leader capacity directed the day-to-day activities. Work flowed as smoothly as
an orchestra playing a concerto - in perfect harmony. We wondered, why?
Well, first, the crew leaders knew exactly what they were doing, what they wanted to accomplish, the skills of the individual co-workers and how much time they had to work with. They realized the importance of being fair and concentrated totally on the mission at and without fear of a person in management coming along and disrupting matters. As for the quality, nothing left the plant that wasn't of
the highest quality, a quality on which the crew leader would have insisted had he been working alone.
The two crew leaders were poetry in motion. Without bias or hidden agendas, they discussed and assigned the
daily work, then went to work themselves, either on an individual assignment or working with the crew. They had no need to create work, pretend to be busy, or falsely exert authority. They played no mind games. The gamesmanship, we observed,
had been totally replaced by workmanship.
The team. The fact that people liked their
work was evident, but more impressive was that they liked working together. They saw the results of their efforts each day
and were provided with customer feedback.
Since there was plenty of work, the hours flew by and people were able to maintain a high energy level despite working long hours.
The agenda. This provided
us with an interesting insight: it isn't work that tires people out; it's frustration. And frustration is generally introduced by the boss, the system, the policies, or the work environment. The key to eliminating frustration is to focus the work group on one agenda.
Chemistry develops when people begin to
enjoy doing things together and accomplishing things in teams or groups. That’s when camaraderie starts to develop, inclusive or exclusive of those in a supervisory
To do. What were the key factors to this plant’s success, strategies that any manager could implement?
- Remove impediments (typically the people who hinder the effort).
Supply sufficient meaningful work.
- Select crew leaders who are skilled with people and knowledgeable about the work.
- Ensure that crew leaders aren’t working from a personal agenda.
- Encourage workers to leave personal agendas in the parking lot.
- Let each person participate in decisions involving her and her work.
- Be generous with praise.
- Don’t overlook errors; point them out and learn from them.
If You Want Others to Like You, Like Yourself First!
By Royane Real
Many of us mistakenly believe that it’s wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self criticism is the key to improving our performance. However, a constant focus on our supposed shortcomings can hinder
our efforts to make friends with other people.
How can we have the confidence to make new friends if we think we don’t have much to offer? How can we believe that others could like us if we believe our inner being is flawed? Or if we think we're too boring to interest anyone else?
We may wonder what anyone else would see in us if we don’t
see any good in ourselves. In order for others to be attracted to us, they must be able to easily see our best qualities. If we focus on our good qualities we will have much more confidence that we have something of value to offer in a relationship.
If you wish to be socially successful, it’s important to accept the fact that not everybody is going to like you under all circumstances. Not everyone is going to like the package you come in, especially on first meeting you. Every person has a unique pattern
of likes and dislikes which were formed long before they met you. Don’t think you have to condemn yourself as a failure if it seems that someone else doesn’t like you.
If someone seems to dislike
you, the reason for that dislike might have little or nothing to do with you. The person who doesn’t like you might
be fearful, or shallow, or busy or shy. Perhaps you and that person are simply a mismatch for each other at this particular time.
take yourself out of the game by deciding that your flaws are bigger than your assets. In fact, some of the very qualities
you consider to be flaws may be irresistible to someone else. For all the factors that might cause one person to reject you, there are at least as many factors that will work in your favor with someone else.
might be 30 pounds over your ideal weight, but you may have a wonderful laugh and a huge zest for life. There are many people to whom your extra pounds will
literally be invisible. You may drive a shabby car, but you might be a great dancer and a loyal friend. There are people out
there looking for loyalty, or fun, or sweetness, or wit and the package it comes in isn't important.
If you're worried that you aren't beautiful enough to attract friends, keep in mind that not everyone is looking
for physical beauty in their friends.
You can decide to feel inferior because you don’t have much money and you don’t drive a nice car. You can believe that this is the reason that you don’t have many friends in your life.
On the other hand, if you're very wealthy you may be suspicious that everyone is after your money and that nobody really likes you as a person.
point is, you can fixate on just about anything and believe it’s the reason you don't have friends and can't make any.
Here is an easy
way to remind yourself of what your good qualities are: write down a list of your good qualities and review it often.
Don’t just think in your mind about what your good qualities might be, actually make the effort to write the list. The act of writing helps
to reinforce the strength of the ideas in your mind.
Don’t be embarrassed to give yourself credit for your good points. If you don’t have any idea what your good points might be, you might
want to ask some of the people you know.
When you compile your list of good qualities,
be as generous in your praise as your best friend in the whole wide world would be!
If you don’t have any best friends
yet, imagine in your mind a wise and loving friend who knows you truly and appreciates you. What would that person say are your good points?
Here are some ideas that
might be applicable to you. Feel free to adjust this list for yourself and add to it.
good qualities are:
· I never gossip
· I go out of my way to help others
· I’m good with numbers
· I have a calm disposition
· I know a lot about sports
You can keep your list with you and read it over every day. Add to it whenever you think of new good qualities you discover in yourself. Be alert for compliments that other people give you. The positive qualities that others see in you can go on your list as well.
When you're out there
meeting people, frequently remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you have. It’s only a matter of time before
you meet other people who'll appreciate them too!
Learn to relax. Instead of berating yourself for some perceived shortcoming, concentrate on the good qualities you have to offer. Realize that there's an audience
for your particular combination of gifts and go looking for those people who will appreciate them.
This article is an excerpt from the new downloadable book by Royane Real
titled “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” available at http://www.royanereal.com