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3 Steps to Overcoming Self-Attacking Beliefs: An Authentic Life is Not a Linear Process
By Tama J. Kieves
Jul 2, 2007

Recently a client of mine was sick of "having faith" while it seemed she slogged towards her dream in thick molasses. "I just want to get there now," she screeched, scoffing at all her previous progress.

I felt sad. This wasn’t the combustible kind of frustration that would help her take constructive bold action. Rather it seemed like she was stomping on all the flowers in the garden, breaking the china in her house, ripping up poems & short stories & screaming about the mess.

"Put down the machete," I said. "You'll never grow by cutting yourself down." And we began to talk about timing.

Maybe you’ve noticed this already, but giving birth to an authentic life isn't a linear process. It’s a jumbled, jubilant, mystical one. And it has its own timing.

The timing is there for our benefit. We can’t see this thru furious eyes. But patience lends us curious eyes. And curious eyes will often see meaning, mercy & majesty.

If you can’t make a change, then change your attitude about where you are. There are times to leave abusive situations or make abrupt changes. But those times have a life of their own & propel you into action.

I’m not talking about those times. I’m talking about the times when you feel stuck & aren’t propelled to move. Then it’s time to move from the inside-out, thru love & forbearance. You’ve probably heard that "what you resist, persists."

Well, here’s my addition: What you embrace, yields grace.

On this path, we don't move forward by condemning our present lives. Maturation doesn't spring from lack, but from abundance. I move forward when I'm spilling with love, not when I'm desperate, furious & pounding my fists.

My edgy ego wants to slam the pedal to the floor & speed into the next part of life. But my soul is a sane & caring being that gently puts the brakes on, shreds the map, shrouds me in fog & waits until I learn the mysteries of this moment.

"There is much to love in this moment," she whispers," & you can't move on, until you move in to the moment & miracle before you."

So how do you embrace a seemingly imperfect life? You decide over & over & over again, not to attack it. Remind yourself, the timing is here for my benefit. This moment is here for my benefit. I often ask myself, "If I knew I was exactly on track, what would I be focusing on right now in order to be ready for what was to come?"

That usually prompts me to take the positive actions I can take right now - & busies me with something other than watching how someone 10 years younger than me seems to have it all together.

If you want to work on embracing your current circumstances - watch out for these 3 self-attacking beliefs:

1) "I must be doing something wrong"

Many of us look at circumstances in our lives as some kind of indictment that we’re doing something wrong. The eternal inner blamer mutters, "Somehow if I were different things would have come thru." According to this insane adviser, everything mirrors our deficiency. It never occurs to this wounded self that the Universe is demonstrating proficiency.

When I was writing This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love, I harassed myself for taking years to complete the manuscript. Why couldn’t I write faster? Why did my chapters emerge like stalactites? Was I defective or somehow sabotaging myself?

When I finally published THIS TIME I DANCE! Creating the Work You Love, I saw things differently. I witnessed the economy’s abrupt change & massive layoffs which suddenly created a new & sizeable market of individuals looking to create the work they love.

"You had angels holding you back the whole time," remarks a dear friend & in retrospect I see the impersonal perfection of the timing. I wasn’t writing too slowly. I was right on the fast track to grace.

2) "I’ll be stuck here forever"

Another reason we'll not embrace our lives is because we think that accepting is condoning or resigning. We think that if we stop fighting our lives, we will settle into them like concrete and be stuck forever.

Tell the dreary fatalistic voice in your head to stop being so melodramatic. You're here in this moment. This isn't the rest of your life. This situation is a stepping stone. It’s not set in stone. Nothing in life remains static. Please show up with love in this moment, because love changes everything.

I had a client who was afraid that if she showed up and loved her job (which she wanted to leave) that somehow she’d get seduced into staying. Instead, she found that she wasn’t as angry all the time and she felt more connected to her co-workers.

This gave her more peace of mind and energy. Soon she found that she was being more creative in her free time and within 2 months, she serendipitously found a way to leave her career and move to a different city and begin to pursue her heart’s desire.

"When I hated my job, I felt paralyzed and stuck," she says. "But somehow giving positive energy to my job freed up my energy and helped me move on."

3) "This situation is holding me back"

No situation is holding us back. But we may hold ourselves back by rejecting our present circumstances and blocking our natural flow.

I remember feeling like my client at different times, wanting so badly to move into the next part of my life, spitting with wildness. "I’m done," I’d yell to no one in particular.

I was furious at myself for not being able to create the circumstances I wanted. "I’m done," I’d scream again. "I’m done with this." But if I am still in a situation, then clearly I'm not yet done with it. Some very intelligent part of me wants or needs to be here.

This situation provides a benefit or allows me to grow in some vital way. I'm trying to tug the fruit off the vine. And as I tear at the unripe, I tear myself up in the process. A true state of readiness radiates fullness, not impatience.

These days when I’m in that space, I have to gently entice myself to look for where I might not be showing up fully in the situation. Where am I not in my strength and what could I do differently?

It’s often the case that when I bring all of my strength to a situation, it transforms into a new situation.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving your love and acceptance to your present circumstances. Bless the ground upon which you stand - and it becomes holy ground.

Embracing your life makes you strong, centered and focused and helps you grow inevitably into your next rightful expression. St Catherine of Siena said that "All the way to heaven is heaven." I suspect she didn't feel delayed on her journey.

May you trust the mysterious, beautiful timing of your journey.


Wayne W. Dyer on There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem

Suggestions For Putting Spiritual Problem Solving Into Action

Be an instrument of peace:

  • Recognize that the people who can push your buttons – your wife, children, boss – are your greatest teachers.

  • Give yourself a specific period of time each day to be alone & undisturbed.

  • Stop yourself when you're making your peace dependent on outer circumstances.

  • Get back to nature.

Sow love instead of hate:

  • Never take hatred personally.

  • Don’t allow the hateful incident to linger in your mind.

  • Make time to join in the life of a child rebelling in anger.

  • Whenever you encounter hate, remind yourself that the person directing that hate outward is feeling hated.

Sow pardon where there is injury:

  • Approach any experience of injury with a mind-set of high hopes & possibilities for release from that injury.

  • Immerse yourself in the literature of healing rather than that of evil.

  • Take care of the sick but be indifferent to the illness.

  • Let go – refuse to harbor thoughts of illness.

Replace doubt with faith:

  • Practice developing a trust in the unknown.

  • Develop a private prayer.

  • Affirm your faith, not your doubt.

  • Give God the credit.

Turn despair to hope:

  • Turn despair over to God.

  • Don’t despair over a particular trend with your children.

Visualize whatever situation may be working for them & treat them as if they have already achieved what you thought was in their best interest.

  • Don’t let yourself be the sounding board for the sorrowful tales of others.

  • Be persistent in acting as if it is impossible to fail.

Bring light to darkness:

  • Practice becoming an appreciator of beauty.

  • Become familiar with the literature of inspiration about those who have overcome darkness in their lives.

  • Keep your thoughts centered on what you want, rather than on what you don’t want.

Send joy in the face of sadness:

  • Acknowledge your sadness & then let it go.

  • Remind yourself that joy is found in stillness.

  • Know that all problems are a result of feeling separate from God.

source: click here

Some People Hate Me
by Max Simon

If it's alright with you, I would like to share a personal story from last week that has made a profound impact on me. I believe you'll find many valuable lessons in it too.

On Monday, I wrote a letter to the tribe declaring that selfcentered will be exclusively focused on teaching purposeful entrepreneurs, visionaries, and students how to establish a deep and meaningful inner-connection while achieving new heightened levels of success and wealth in the world. And just to give you some background, it took me over 16 months to get clear on exactly what we were
doing and where we were going so it felt really good to finally step forward and express this truth.

So I hit send and went on my way. Almost as soon as I did that, I instantly received three emails from people who had a very negative reaction to my note. They said things like: "Geez Max, you are sounding more like Tony Robbins every day" and "This is the most
pretentious letter I've ever received."

I immediately went into self-judgment and fear mode. "OH NO! Did I make a terrible mistake? Did I say something wrong? Is this a bad direction?" Then I got angry. "Who do these people think they are?
How dare they lash out at me! They just don't understand!"

Then I got worried. "I hope I didn't break the trust I've built up with the tribe. I never intended to irritate anyone. I wonder if everything is going to be OK?"

In just fifteen minutes, I experienced a roller-coaster of different emotions. To cope with this energetic wave, I sat down and meditated. Then I read back through the note. And then I called one of my mentors Alexis Martin Neely. Alexis is an amazing woman who I love deeply and respect dearly. I don't know a single person out there right now who is taking bigger steps forward to live her truth and make a huge impact on the world. I would strongly suggest signing up for hew newsletter and listening to her words. She is a
wise and powerful woman!

So I explained to her what happened and she said something that shocked me:

"Max, there are some people out there who hate me. In fact, I would go so far as to say that they are out to get me. But there are also many people out there who absolutely love me. They would do anything to support me. So despite the fact that I too want everyone to like me, the reality is that we live in a world of dichotomy. The more you step into your power, the more others will project their stories onto you, whether they be good or bad. When you can accept that, you will be in a much better position to make a huge impact on the world."

WOW! The more I sat with her words, the more I realized that she was right. If you attempt to please everyone then you will not inspire anyone. It's only when you harness the courage to step up and take a stand for what you truly believe in that people will follow you. Some might not like where you're going and that's OK. Others will hear your words like beautiful music and join you for the ride.

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In closing, I want to just come out and say it: "I do want you to like me. In fact, I want everyone to like me." But I'm also at the place where I'm not willing to dance around my truth anymore to hopefully keep people from judging me. It's tiresome, frustrating, and most important, ineffective to the cause. I'm not going to do it anymore and you shouldn't  either!

So if my words, energy, and direction don't resonate with you any longer, I ask that you please unsubscribe from our list right now. But if you dig where we're going, then stay engaged and read every note. The projects we have in the works are absolutely revolutionary and will blow you away.

As always, your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

Much love,

Max Simon
Founder & CEO (Chief Enlightenment Officer)

PS: The Leadership Retreat SOLD OUT within the first day of my
last email so I'm sorry to say that you'll have to wait until the next
one in August if you wanted to attend (or you can get on the waiting
list). That said, there are still a few seats left for the next
Out of Your
Mind Immersion
on April 17-19 in LA. That event is going to be
amazing!! Enroll now to reserve your spot before it sells out again.


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